Ten things that are surprising about being a mother

1.  Cleaning up poo and sick is not a major ordeal
2.  Patience doesn’t come more naturally now than it did before childbirth
3.   I am still a person, just a person with a child. I’m not a different species
4.  Competence and effective time management sneak up on you
5.  I never stop believing that this time we’ve made a major breakthrough (be it sleeping, eating, saying mama…), only for it not to happen again for a fortnight
6.  I am no less slovenly than before, I just feel guiltier about it
7. Guilt in all walks of waking life
8.  How very different fathers are
9. My body doesn’t feel or even look very different to before
10. I pushed an 8lb 4oz person out through my fanny, and it wasn’t as bad as I expected